Holding Onto Hope by Laura Herp

Often times, by the time people seek professional help, they often have a certain level of hopelessness. It can come with thoughts of suicide; sometimes passive and sometimes active. When this is the case, the job of the therapist is to differentiate between the two and do their best to make sure the client can stay safe until their next session. It can be very difficult to cultivate hopeful feelings in people right away, so the therapist must hold the hope for them. This is done by simply believing in their capacity for healing.

Regardless of what someone has been through or is currently going through, healing is possible. It is also inevitable when one honors their needs and takes action. Action can come in many forms, and for some, it means seeking outside help from a mental health professional. This can be scary, especially if it is their first time. Many people including myself grew up in families where only “really sick” people talk to a therapist or it is seen as shameful to talk to someone you don’t know about your problems. This is just another barrier to getting the help one deserves. It’s one of the reasons I enjoy being a mental health professional. I want to provide something I desperately needed at points in my life but never believed I deserved.

So what is hope anyway? Hope is both a feeling and a belief. If you have ever experienced it during a difficult time in your life, you know exactly what it feels like. Yet it is difficult to explain. If I had to explain how hope has played out in my own life, I would start with acceptance. Many people come to therapy with core beliefs or deeply held ideas about themselves and others that shape their thoughts feelings and actions. Sometimes those core beliefs are “I should not feel this way.” The idea of accepting what is already there or has already happened can feel strange in a world where we are told to distract ourselves from or avoid painful feelings. When we notice and get to know our inner world as well as determine what we need, hope can emerge. We were not meant to deal with life’s difficulties alone. I believe connection can speed up the process of cultivating hope in the face of difficulties.

Hope is about having an expectation that things will get better; a belief that it will. Only with hope can our worldview begin to shift. How can we start to overcome hopelessness? Staying present, also known as being mindful is important because when we are present we cannot think about the past or the future which often fuels the hopelessness. Staying present is often a skill that must be learned. Therapy can help with this as the therapist encourages “staying with” certain feelings as they are experienced. The therapist simply witnesses or “accepts” the feeling and for some people, that one hour is the only time this ever happens for them. Overtime, people can begin to trust other people into their lives who can also witness and accept their pain. We begin to understand our feelings and start to experience a greater sense of control over our thoughts and behaviors. We can choose to do the things we do not feel like doing. Sometimes that means “acting as if” we have hope until we actually do.

Holding on to hope for someone means focusing on their strengths and reminding them of their value while simultaneously acknowledging their pain.

Eventually people can learn to do this for themselves, however I don’t think we ever stop needing each other. Just today an important friend shared some good news about being accepted into a program at her school. I immediately felt so hopeful for her which lead to gratitude for the ways she has helped me in my life. I feel similarly after a therapy session in which someone has shown courage to face their pain. The more time I spend as a hope holder, the more I believe it is hope that finds us.

If you have found your way to this page, consider reaching out by phone and scheduling a first time appointment. It could be a real turning point.